…alternately, just bang ‘em until their vulva needs to be iced.
it amazes me how much i’m able to love someone simply because they accept that i want to be alone to work.
that, in the true ironic twists and turns of love, is the ultimate turn-on for me.
the ultimate turn-off? clinginess. neediness. damnation.
-Amanda Palmer on her blog.
A long long time ago, way before I started taking my clothes off on the internet, I had this boyfriend who was pretty filthy. By pretty filthy, I mean he liked a healthy dose of kink in his sex. At some point he introduced me to the concept of tease and denial (which I’ve also seen referred to as edging). Tease and denial is still one of my favorite games.
It’s a fun way to play with control. Sometimes I find it entertaining to watch/make someone squirm. My sexual partners have generally seemed to enjoy watching me squirm, being responsible for and in control of it. My favorite part is the element of surprise. Like most sexually active people I know, I can feel when I’m about to have an orgasm, and usually having an orgasm comes right after feeling like I’m about to have one. Still immensely fun, but predictable. However, when someone slightly evil is in charge you never quite know what is going to happen. They could dole them out slowly, bringing you right back to the edge after every one and keeping you wriggling around in their lap with their dick buried in your asscrack. They could keep you on the brink for eight minutes (which feels like *forever* in the moment) and then make you come so many times you loose count. Also, they could theoretically wander away and not get you off at all. It would be really mean, but the possibility makes every single orgasm a pleasant surprise.
More widely applicable is the the core idea that when I want something and can’t have it right then, I want it more. Which brings me to Amanda Palmer’s quote.
I can’t miss someone unless they let me miss them. There’s this behavioral science thing tied in with lab rat studies (aren’t all behavioral science things tied into studies of rats somehow?) that says that any reward becomes mundane when it is constant. If people won money every time they pulled the arm of a slot machine, they probably wouldn’t develop addictions to gambling. If you eat a gallon of ice cream every day for the entire summer, ice cream isn’t super delicious again until October. Yes, I am speaking from experience on that one. If your live-in girlfriend makes you coffee every morning, it becomes habitual and you stop appreciating it. If you metaphorically crawl so far up a partner’s butt that they never get any distance from you, they can’t miss you… and getting things you’ve had the chance to want is so very delightful.