I had just gotten off a plane from LA and wanted my winter coat as soon as possible. My cab driver and I were discussing the quickest route to my apartment in Brooklyn. He called me his co-pilot, which I found charming. Kayden, stuck in traffic somewhere in one of the other boroughs, was trying to convince me to come to the party she was hosting in Manhattan that night.
It takes a really good reason (or a paycheck) to get me out to a nightclub. Kayden happens to be a really good reason. Additionally, James Deen was going to be there for some project he’s working on with two girls who are both named Jayden. If you read his blog, you’re aware of the fact that every time we are within 75 miles of each other we end up in the same room rubbing our faces together.
The party turned out to be at a strip club called HQ, which is the same venue that hosts Fleshbot Fridays. They’re nice people. Amanda Whip occasionally works there but sadly wasn’t in that night. She’s pretty. I got caught by the owner trying to pour most of a shot on the floor instead of in my face. There’s a stage on one end of the club and a pole on the other. Fun fact about Kayden: she likes to dance on stripper poles. When she gets near one she starts to move in this liquid sort of way which makes me think of a blonde, large breasted jungle cat. I loaned her my panties. Porn stars sharing underpants and dancing provocatively is pretty much the norm in my world.
At some point a man sat down next to me and asked what I was doing at a strip club. I told him I work with Kayden and returned his question. He said one of his friends runs porn star sex classes. I don’t understand or really care to understand what that means and responded with uninterested silence, which he filled by saying that he is a dating coach. Fun fact about me: Whatever I’m thinking is usually written all over my face. Kayden came over and pointed out that I had been giving Dating Coach Man a look of extreme distaste which she couldn’t quite decipher. I told her I wasn’t sure exactly what had been going on in my brain, but that I thought I was considering picking my nose vigorously to see what he’d do. Maybe I’m just fascinated by the way that men react to snot.
Later in the night Dating Coach Man came back. Kayden promptly sat down in my lap and stuck her finger up my nose. He stared while I inserted the length of her finger into my mouth and sucked it clean. Then I stuck my own finger in my nostril, pulled it out, and wiggled it close to his face. He didn’t move. Somehow this resulted in Kayden and I laughing hysterically while digging around nose and wiping the results on his cheek.
He still didn’t move.
Somewhere there are pictures of this. Meanwhile, have a blurry picture of James and I being, well, us.