There’s a video involved. I leave it up to you whether you read or watch first.

I’ve never understood vibrators. I’ve gone on record numerous times saying various versions of “I dislike them all except for Lelo’s Nea which I really only appreciate aesthetically.” I think it’s the buzzing that bothers me. I’ve posed for plenty of photospreads with toys, but I’ve always seen them as a poor substitute for a person and I’ve never had an orgasm from one. Less than a month ago I was on a panel at Exxxotica   with some of the adult industry’s most successful female performers. Someone in the audience asked what our favorite vibrator was, and every single one of the other women shouted “Hitachi” in unison. That night I received an email from Clayton asking if I’d be interested in his new project.

He’s filming women sitting at a table reading literature. The twist is the things going on below the table. I like these sorts of things… This Empty Love was the first video work I enjoyed doing, making hardcore work with Digital Playground an interesting option later. I think the interesting parts of sex are in the hints of what can’t be seen. Penetrative sex, after all, is an exploration of something dark, moist, and cavelike.  

I’ve chosen a section of Supervert’s “Necrophilia Variations.” I’m fascinated by Supervert and their (his?) body of work. I went with the Necrophilia themed volume because I’m currently in an oddly non-morbid obsession with something triangulated by the way an orgasm affects brain chemistry, the reasons behind the french nickname of la petite mort, and why my mind goes completely blank when I’m at the height of a sexual experience. There’s something in there, death and sex, maybe change or growth, and I’ve been focused on it since shortly before I posted “Touch.” Sometimes I can brush this concept with my fingertips, but I can’t grab hold and inspect it yet. The only way to understand is to wallow in anything that might hold a clue until it all clicks together (or am distracted by something shiny… but it would have to be *really* shiny.) Tl;dr: That’s the book that felt right.

I’ve been told to dress as I would for a date with a man, not a boy. I’m wearing a dress from Vivienne Westwood’s Anglomania collection last year. The cut limits the range of motion of my arms, but ideally I wouldn’t need to open my own doors or feel the desire to talk on my phone while on a date with a man. My makeup is simple, my heels very high but relatively practical, and my panties are both sophisticated and expensive. Also, damp in the gusset. Sexually speaking I really enjoy things that I can’t predict and things that are new to me. This attempting-to-read-aloud-and-maintain-composure while being sexually stimulated game is new. The video camera adds a dash of exhibitionism which I always appreciate. Most interesting, though, is the Hitachi that my vagina is about to be making very good friends with for the first time.

When I tell Clayton’s lovely assistant for the evening that I’ve never experienced the Hitachi, her eyes light up. I’ve obviously gotten myself into the most fun kind of trouble. Lights get set and everyone assumes their positions. My underwear lays on the floor out of frame. As I start reading, my disbelief is suspended. I forget what is about to happen. The first touch on my thigh sends all available blood to my vulva. I continue to enunciate properly, focusing on the text. I’ve broken a sweat. If this goes on for much longer my hair will be plastered to my head with perspiration as though I’ve been working out or engaging in acrobatic man/woman penetrative fucking. I stumble over a word, my concentration breaks as I go back to pronounce it correctly. Neither the Hitachi or the woman wielding it will be denied, but in the interests of art (and because this feels so beautifully filthy I don’t want it to stop yet) I hold out as long as I can. This section of the world that I’m inhabiting slows down, zooms in. Like a stretched rubber band it suddenly contracts, and I am lovingly punched with an orgasm. 

I giggle-pant, hands on the table. Once enough pieces of my mind have come back I deliver the closing line.

Somewhere in this is Kayden’s eloquent description of what it’s like to engage in sexual activity with me (and a couple of other girls)…

clubkayden:

I’ve rediscovered girls in a life changing way. It started as something behind the scenes, like a tugging, a program somewhere deeply buried cycling out of latency and into full-blown pervedom. It came slowly at first. An intangible. I began to notice there was something that would tighten the…

We’re in the car. I’m tired of wearing clothing, I feel constricted. I pop the clasp on the back of my bra open and remove it. You encourage me to take my panties off as well if it’ll make me feel better. You’re filthy. So incredibly filthy in the best ways imaginable. My pussy contracts involuntarily and starts to get wet. I slide the matching net briefs down my legs and put them in my purse.

When we get to the parking garage I keep my knees together as I get out of the passenger side door. We walk back to my building and as we’re headed up the stairs you put your hand up my skirt and run a finger down the length of my lips. I know you can feel how much I want you. You slowly enter me with that finger. I can feel the calluses, the muscle. Who the fuck has muscular fingers? You do. I love your hands.

“Let’s go, cutie.”

I’m pretty sure you’re walking me up the stairs by my vulva. You’re in control. You have the control because I’ve given it to you and we both seem to enjoy this arrangement very much.

I take my skirt off and sit on the bed. You spread my legs, kiss the inside of one thigh and breathe on my pussy. I shiver. You do it a couple of times, alternating this with blowing a cooler, more focused puff over my clitoris or towards my asshole. You can be such a tease. It’s hot and cold and I might melt and then you touch me with your tongue. Yes, touch. Not lick. I know you’ll get to that eventually but you keep your tongue virtually immobile on my clit until I really may not be able to stand it any more. The first lick is slow and almost torturous. Can torturous be used in this context? You’re so delicate with your tongue. Precise. So very purposeful. You eat pussy like a chick. Like you know where we’re headed but you’re going to take your time getting there because you know this part is enjoyable too. Yes, torturous can absolutely be used in this context. I need to come. It’s maddening. I’m trying to push a little harder against your mouth when suddenly you grab my clitoris firmly with your lips or teeth or something and start doing something that feels like you’re suction cupped to it. You drag the orgasm out of me. You take it because you know you can. I can’t control myself any longer. My legs come up and wrap around your neck, my hand on the back of your head. I’m humping your face, probably cutting off the supply of blood through your jugular with my thighs. It’s like dying. My brain shuts off. All I feel is tactile pleasure. I may explode, I do explode, and then I’m sliding down, away from your mouth. The half grown out facial hair feels nice. My vaginal secretions are dripping off of your chin. I hope you can understand now why I enjoy it so much when you come on my face, in my mouth.

“I wish I could fuck you and do this at the same time.”

You’re filthy. You’re amazing.

——-

I am coming down from a series of orgasms which culminated in one so intense that it re-set my vagina. My only option is to lay there under you and glow for a few seconds before my body can even consider building towards another one. You’re thrusting into me with a steady rhythm. I feel sated and relaxed. I just want to push back with my hips and give you some dedicated you time. I want to make you come. I want to pay attention to every detail.

I can feel you get slightly harder. This always surprises me. Your cock fits me so nicely that when it swells up that little extra bit I can feel it push against the inner circumference of my vagina and it drives me crazy. Every time, I can’t believe you could feel any better than you did a few seconds earlier, but you do.

You’re going to come. You say you want to come inside me. You say this because you know it turns me on, and I think because it turns you on, too. Sometimes you try to fake me out, you say you’re going to and mimic an orgasm inside me and the thought of it is so hot but I know you’re far too respectful and responsible to do that unless I asked you to.

Unless I asked you to.

It’s a terrible idea, but…

“Do it. I want to feel you come inside me.”

I grab you by your butt cheeks and pull you in. Your pubic bone brushes against my clitoris, it feels nice but every single nerve in my vaginal canal is so awake and so tuned in to what’s about to happen that it barely registers. I feel you fall into me hips first. Your cock twitches, expands, a burst of hot, tingling fluid fills me up. I feel it splash off of my cervix and this moment is so beautiful I want to hang suspended in it forever. One more spurt of liquid and I’m full. You gently lay your upper body down on me. I run the pads of my fingers gently over the warm skin of your sculpted back and shoulders. You make a slight backwards movement with your pelvis as though you might pull out. I think you don’t want to squish me.

“No, please, stay.”

This feels so good I want to draw it out as long as possible.

A trickle of your semen dribbles out of me and over my asshole. I can feel you still engorged, pressing against the front wall which so loves to be pressed up against. I am so turned on that I am teetering on the cusp of another orgasm, but to do so would stop the feeling I have right now and I don’t want it to end. It’s delicious, being right on the edge and holding back like that.

“You just came inside me.”

“I did. It felt so right in the moment.”

It did feel so right. So very right. I could fall asleep like this, you on top of and inside me, your face nuzzled next to mine, your big hands holding me so gently by the waist. You start to go limp and I treasure every centimeter of internal caress as your dick slides out. This is something so much more than lust.

Jeff Faerber painted me.

People seem to like doing this, with varying degrees of skill (and success in piquing my interest) and sometimes they send me a scan of the resulting artwork. Mr. Faerber’s painting in particular got my attention because his rendering of the nipples was so precise.

Seriously. He does fantastic nipples.

He also gets bonus points for putting me in thigh-high stockings, because I do *really* like wearing thigh-high stockings.

This is a link to his website. In case you’d like to see more of his paintings. Or maybe you just like clicking things.