Sweetheart?… Dear?… Sunshine? No… no… and no.

The problem with these terms of endearment is that they’re all diminutive… cute… pet names. This is why they don’t stick to the man who was initially attractive because he said hello like he could fuck me through a wall. Don’t get me wrong - he has beautiful eyes and an attractive body. I find his antics and sense of humor highly entertaining. His face is very handsome, and he is intelligent. I greatly enjoy his company. However, I wouldn’t know anything about any of these qualities if he hadn’t said hello for the first time like he could fuck me through a wall, and my point is that calling a man who oozes that particular type of sexual energy by a pet name doesn’t sit right with me. Judging by the laughter when I tried sugarpie, being called pet names doesn’t sit right with him either. Once he’d stopped laughing, he suggested Daddy.

That didn’t sit right either. I wrinkled my nose with disapproval and spent a considerable amount of time discussing the subject with coworkers and friends. Before I entered the world of hardcore pornography, I’d had my fill of traditional BDSM in my personal life. I had called men sir and master, but never daddy. I thought it was kind of gross. It smacked of infantilism, which is one of the few things that never fail to kill my libido. Of course, the first time I kissed a boy I thought boys were really kind of gross, so my first instinct on the grossness of something is not necessarily my final opinion. 

Fast forward a few weeks: He has collected a list of nicknames for me, each one both sweet and fitting. Occasionally he’d remind me of the daddy option. I was still unable to come up with a suitable alternative. There’s a specific, gently confident tone of voice he uses which implies that at some point I will end up doing what has been suggested. It also implies that he’s pretty sure I’m going to like it and is patiently waiting for me to finish thinking it to death. See, I underwent gestation in the uterus of a second-wave feminist. It’s like some need to intellectualize my vulva and femininity was transmitted through the amniotic fluid. Outside of the (metaphorical) bedroom I have been known to agonize at length over the moral and political ramifications of the fact that something turns me on. At the end of the day, though, if it makes my pussy wet and is reasonably safe, sane, and consensual, I’m going to keep doing it.

I told him I felt weird about calling him the same thing that other girls do. He started telling other girls to stop. I grilled him about his motivations. I continued to discuss it with friends, coworkers, and one stranger on the subway. During all this discussion, repetition began to strip the word of its meaning. Daddy became just another set of sounds, meaningful only because this man had chosen them and the way he defines them. He consistently makes me swoon, squeak with both glee and sexual pleasure, sometimes simultaneously. The least I could do was try it out a few times. There was a text message conversation, and the timing felt right. Where I normally would have replied with “Thank you for taking the time to listen to me vent and giving your opinion.” I responded with “Nobody takes care of me like Daddy does?” As soon as I pressed send my cheeks went hot and my panties got wet. Really wet.

Fast forward again: Daddy had been effectively worked into sex, as in “Thank you, Daddy” after an orgasm or “Please fuck my(your) ass, Daddy.” I used it in texts and internet posts. If his penis was touching me it wasn’t awkward to say, but in non-sexual situations I whispered or stumbled over it. One day we were having lunch with some people. One guy told a story about his sugar mama, and my un-named man made a joke about pimping him out. He would help the kid get more clients, drive him around, help him out, but the kid was going to be calling him daddy. I had an intensely possessive reaction, looked up and hissed “That’s MY word.” …and it is. He’s my Daddy. No one else’s. Mine. Call it fucked up, call it daddy-issues, call it transgressively arousing… I quite obviously like it so I’m going to keep calling him Daddy.