Our Bodies, Our Press Materials (Part 3)

So what would I change if I could?

I did change a couple of things. My skin is sensitive and very pale, which means I used to get wicked razorburn. I tried every kind of shaving cream on the market. Straight razors, disposable bics, and high tech five blade gizmos meant for men’s faces. Hot water, cold water, and room temperature water. I also tried diaper rash ointment, aftershave, exfoliating with pastes ranging from expensive scrubs to olive oil and coffee grounds. Basically, I threw everything in Duane Reade at it and nothing helped much. Finally, I had lazer hair removal done. I (hopefully) permanently killed the majority of hair follicles on my legs and over half of my bikini area/vulva. I’m really happy with it, although if I get a yearning for 70s style mega bush I’m going to be stuck looking for merkins.

My eyebrows have been subjected to overzealous tweezing, partially my own fault as a teenager and partially by makeup artists. I’d love to have that 1/8th inch at the inner corners back, and you wouldn’t believe the amount of weird potions from Sephora I’ve purchased in an attempt to regrow them. The weird potions in question are kind of like rogaine for your eyebrows, and none of it works. I did consider putting actual rogaine on my face, but then someone informed me that this is what eyebrow pencils are for. 

The inside though - if I had the ability to want changes made to the inside of my body and have it happen, I’d have a to-do list a mile long. I’d want nerves that will never get pinched again, I’d want to fix whatever it is that makes migraines happen. I would want joints that don’t snap-crackle-pop every morning and sometimes in the middle of the day because I’ve put forty or fifty years worth of strain in them in my twenty-six years of life. Then I would start asking for superpowers like flight and telepathy… teleportation… and a pony… with sparkly hooves. We’ve gotten way off topic here.

I would not change my breasts. Digital Playground offered me breast augmentation surgery when I first started working with them, and I declined. They offered again a couple of months later, I declined a second time, and I haven’t heard a word from them about it since. I wouldn’t change anything about the appearance of my vulva, either. At the last appearance I did, someone brought me a photo to sign. It was a production still from Nurses, and something didn’t look right. Here’s a closeup:

Yep. My inner labia are missing. My clitoral hood has disappeared as well. I think they might have actually just put someone else’s vulva on me. I was pretty grumpy about it, am still kind of grumpy about it, and if I had one ridiculous wish that was going to be fulfilled it wouldn’t have anything to do with physical appearance or function, it would be to Darth Vader style choke the person who electronically cut off some really important parts of my pussy and stuck the finished product on the internet. My first guess would be Australia and their habit of labeling protruding labia offensive.

I see little tweaks in advertising materials or magazine spreads as the a modern equivalent to makeup or foundation garments. When it comes to drastic changes or  surgery though, I prefer to keep my body parts the way they are.

  1. funkymonkeh reblogged this from stoya and added:
    Totally agree about the air-brushing vaginas thing. Australian censorship is so juvenile in this regard, labeling even...
  2. beatsofthesouthernwild reblogged this from stoya
  3. little----wing reblogged this from stoya and added:
    I love Stoya!
  4. lavendermoonx reblogged this from nunpho
  5. nunpho reblogged this from stoya and added:
    oh no, that airbrushing made her look like a baby, thats disturbing!!
  6. infamousnspooky reblogged this from stoya and added:
    wow, they made her vagina look like it belongs to a baby ewwwww. Pretty fucked up that even porn stars don’t get respect...
  7. rightzack reblogged this from stoya
  8. photoshopdouchebaggery reblogged this from stoya and added:
    bit where she talks about having...sign a photo of a digitally altered vulva where they’d...